[That, at least, is enough to make him pause. So it was a bit like Irhya, then. Which didn't remove the hurt- and certainly not the frustration- but his sigh is more exasperated than upset.]
I don't know- you heroes are quite inexplicable at times. I'm sure many of your allies would decide that my mere presence was a provocation.
[Granted, his personality didn't really help that assessment.]
Aside from that- no, I don't know why you would bother, unless it's guilt, or some impossible desire to make amends.
And yet if you did nothing to provoke and they would strike first, wouldn't that be on them?
[They'd be no better if someone poked the nest when nothing was done that could count as provoking. In her mind, a blunt 'They can deal' comes. Which leads to the next matter: why did she extend het hand out of him when they first arrived? Was it guilt? Was it atonement? How did she feel from the moment she used her sword as a shield for him on the bridge? Mira chalked it up to instinct but yet that was not all was it?
What lead her to tell him about his future and fate?
What was it that made her offer shelter?
What drew her to him in particular?
Shouldn't she be better around those like Ser Aymeric or the Exarch? And why did his words, harsh as they are, make her reflect and hurt more? No, she knows the answer but finding the right words are difficult.]
Naturally, but the Light is rarely so reasonable. I'm sure they could find a most convincing justification afterwards.
[Not that his kind ever made it terribly easy, but Emet-Selch didn't think all of the suspicion towards them was completely warranted. Hydaelyn's doing, no doubt, poisoning the well against them.
His expression becomes more serious at the rest of Mira's words. Less cold, more cautious. More willing to listen.]
[Communication issues all around. But she has the chance to speak up. He has the right to know. She takes a small breath and gathers up everything she has.]
It is more of a feeling that is hard to put in words. At first, I had thought it an instinct or something that anyone would do. Would it not be normal to show some type of kindness even not prompted or asked? And yet for some reason...I enjoyed your company. Every single chat or discussion we had I found myself enjoying and looking forward to more. Was that what friends did after all?
[And a new sensation comes through the Bond: warmth.]
And then the masquerade happened and...it grew.
[She wasn't expecting his confession. Nor did she expect them to share something so intimate. If anything, all her adventures and comrades should have made her repulsed by his act. And yet she stayed. Even more, she moved more towards him with asking to Bond. Her first thought while it did go to her roommates, went to him. She went to him first.
And that warmth grew...almost comforting. But that was impossible, right? There was no way that a Warrior of Light felt fine with a mortal enemy in the same room, right? Her head tilts downwards because even with that, the hurt remains...of what she did to him.]
I did something that perhaps is considered wrong by my comrades and maybe the world in general...I find myself...
[Deep breaths. In and out.]
...I find myself caring for someone who is supposed to be my enemy.
[Her head is not down in shame, oh no. It's because she's afraid to show him what expression is on her face. Or rather, the beginnings of tears forming from her eyes.]
[Despite their travels on the First, he'd never gotten to know the Warrior of Light on a very personal level. The situation, or their allies, would never have allowed it. So when the opportunity arose here, it felt like both a strange thing to take, and a completely natural one.
Emet-Selch had never hated, nor disliked that hero- how could he? Even now, they--
--It didn't matter. But Mira was a hero he'd never known at all, would never see again once he returned to his version of their star. Learning about a version of a Warrior that could never effect him was likewise strange- and again, felt completely natural. It was almost easy, as if they'd been friends before.
But Mira was still her own person. Was primarily her own person, and despite that terrible familiarity, he could never forget that. But to be intrigued by her as well surprised him, almost as much as the trust did.
Which was why that seeming betrayal had stung so deeply. He'd misjudged, allowed the faintest amount of hope to exist once again- though hope for what, Emet-Selch was still not sure. He'd let something matter, in all its wondrous futility, and it had failed once more.
Or had it? Even if it hadn't, could he really trust it again? It had already been a fragile thing to start.]
...Honestly, I don't know why I expected more sense from you.
[Caring. It remained a disorienting thing to hear, and his emotions reflect it- unease, gratitude, something akin to sadness. K'rihnn had also told the Ascian that he cared about him, though the miqo'te had sounded much more straightforward about it. But Mira seemed more upset- a natural reaction. He assumed it must be quite unwanted.
His steps are slow as he walks over to her, though once he reaches Mira's side, he hesitates, does not reach out.]
Or from myself. You realize you're not alone in your mistake?
[Even if it failed, it was too late; he couldn't be indifferent.]
I told you, didn't I? I've always considered myself strange.
[If she's honest, the fact that she admitted such a thing worries that it will drive him away. It hurts but gods help her that she rather feel it than become numb. To feel, to be alive in some way. Hearing his footsteps and his words, make her thoughts stop when he's close to her. Even after everything, he would come to her? Truly, she needs to stop thinking of the scenarios where things do not happen because every single time she does, it did. Her heads lifts up to reach his eyes, feeling the tears beginning to fall as Mira quickly wipes them away. It's stupid to cry for someone who you're supposed to despise, isn't it?
But what about someone you care for? Should that be alright?]
What...what do you mean?
[And yet the warmth does not leave the bond. Should she try to reach for him instead or let him come to her? Would it be pushing it?]
[The sight of tears has his eyes narrow in response, irrationally irritated. Emotion was difficult at the best of times, and there was no best of times. Why should it matter if she was upset? Expressing even this much felt anathema, and he couldn't help but resent her for it.]
I mean what I said.
[That warmth continued to be a- very complicated thing. Simultaneously pleasant and terrible, something to reach for and recoil from. The balance between the two has him tensing, remaining close, but still not touching her.]
[You made her care! Of course she's going to have emotions about it because that's what people do! Including ascians as he has reminded her constantly. And yet, that feeling will not leave, not for awhile.]
If you didn't, then why else did you kiss me that night? Or pull me to you when we agreed to be Bonded?
[Emotions are a terrible thing and a worse idea, which is why Emet-Selch has all of them, and that they're all unpleasant. Even the nice ones- those are the worst of all.]
Yes, we're both on the same unfortunate page now, aren't we?
[A frustrated little huff as he looks away from her.]
[And there's the reasoning why there's much more of the self despair on her end; because she cares about Hades and the fact that she hurt him is the culprit. And she would do anything (besides the obvious) to make things right. Will they ever be? Maybe with time. And yet even as he looks away, that fondness remains, that warmth that may annoy the living daylights out of him is still there. For once in her life, Mira doesn't want to pass on this but also knows that he needs to agree to it as well.]
[As unwise as it would have been. As unwise as it still was. That argument had been a warning, a reminder of just how easy and inevitable failure was. It would happen again, and it would be worse. That's just how he was- how he had to be.
Simple loneliness matches her warmth; the only reason he hasn't asked her to leave.]
[Not yet. There is still hope and she will not do anything to try and destroy it.]
Of course. I'll wait until you are ready.
[Even if it never comes, she'll wait. Mira will not push him into doing anything that can be considered harmful and call it caring because it's not in the long run. It's because she cares that she is thinking about her choices now. It's because she cares that she managed to gather her courage and speak to him on how she feels. She will never regret it; for it is better to feel pain than nothing at all. Just like she can feel the loneliness reach out to her, reminded of how he spoke her about staying with him that day. While he didn't say the words, she could feel something along those lines without needing a bond. It's just more intense now as it brushes it against his own.]
['I'll be here.' A nice sentiment. Emet-Selch can't help that flash of humorless mirth that runs through him, a spike of loss that's just as quickly snatched away and shoved back.
You won't be, is his only thought, but he does not say it. But with it in mind, he finally turns back to Mira, expression completely even, despite the grief beneath.
Lifting a hand to touch the side of her face, he leans over to press his lips gently to hers.]
[Funny thing about pesky Warriors like her: they have a tendency to make miracles happen. Somehow they do despite all the odds. It's lucky that the feeling of loss is barely felt, unable to be questioned when Mira catches those familiar lips on hers. She really needs to expect the unlikely with Hades more often as there's a small smile when she returns his kiss.
Hope is an odd emotion, able to swing in both ways. And yet it remains as both Warrior and Ascian share this moment together, uninterrupted.]
[And maybe eventually Emet-Selch would be able to appreciate that impossibility of her again, to fall back into that doomed sort of hope. But until then, there was a kiss, and the brief calm that it brought with it.
Eventually he pulls back, straightening up to regard Mira again.]
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no subject
I don't know- you heroes are quite inexplicable at times. I'm sure many of your allies would decide that my mere presence was a provocation.
[Granted, his personality didn't really help that assessment.]
Aside from that- no, I don't know why you would bother, unless it's guilt, or some impossible desire to make amends.
no subject
[They'd be no better if someone poked the nest when nothing was done that could count as provoking. In her mind, a blunt 'They can deal' comes. Which leads to the next matter: why did she extend het hand out of him when they first arrived? Was it guilt? Was it atonement? How did she feel from the moment she used her sword as a shield for him on the bridge? Mira chalked it up to instinct but yet that was not all was it?
What lead her to tell him about his future and fate?
What was it that made her offer shelter?
What drew her to him in particular?
Shouldn't she be better around those like Ser Aymeric or the Exarch? And why did his words, harsh as they are, make her reflect and hurt more? No, she knows the answer but finding the right words are difficult.]
'Tis...hard to describe.
no subject
[Not that his kind ever made it terribly easy, but Emet-Selch didn't think all of the suspicion towards them was completely warranted. Hydaelyn's doing, no doubt, poisoning the well against them.
His expression becomes more serious at the rest of Mira's words. Less cold, more cautious. More willing to listen.]
Then try.
no subject
It is more of a feeling that is hard to put in words. At first, I had thought it an instinct or something that anyone would do. Would it not be normal to show some type of kindness even not prompted or asked? And yet for some reason...I enjoyed your company. Every single chat or discussion we had I found myself enjoying and looking forward to more. Was that what friends did after all?
[And a new sensation comes through the Bond: warmth.]
And then the masquerade happened and...it grew.
[She wasn't expecting his confession. Nor did she expect them to share something so intimate. If anything, all her adventures and comrades should have made her repulsed by his act. And yet she stayed. Even more, she moved more towards him with asking to Bond. Her first thought while it did go to her roommates, went to him. She went to him first.
And that warmth grew...almost comforting. But that was impossible, right? There was no way that a Warrior of Light felt fine with a mortal enemy in the same room, right? Her head tilts downwards because even with that, the hurt remains...of what she did to him.]
I did something that perhaps is considered wrong by my comrades and maybe the world in general...I find myself...
[Deep breaths. In and out.]
...I find myself caring for someone who is supposed to be my enemy.
[Her head is not down in shame, oh no. It's because she's afraid to show him what expression is on her face. Or rather, the beginnings of tears forming from her eyes.]
no subject
Emet-Selch had never hated, nor disliked that hero- how could he? Even now, they--
--It didn't matter. But Mira was a hero he'd never known at all, would never see again once he returned to his version of their star. Learning about a version of a Warrior that could never effect him was likewise strange- and again, felt completely natural. It was almost easy, as if they'd been friends before.
But Mira was still her own person. Was primarily her own person, and despite that terrible familiarity, he could never forget that. But to be intrigued by her as well surprised him, almost as much as the trust did.
Which was why that seeming betrayal had stung so deeply. He'd misjudged, allowed the faintest amount of hope to exist once again- though hope for what, Emet-Selch was still not sure. He'd let something matter, in all its wondrous futility, and it had failed once more.
Or had it? Even if it hadn't, could he really trust it again? It had already been a fragile thing to start.]
...Honestly, I don't know why I expected more sense from you.
[Caring. It remained a disorienting thing to hear, and his emotions reflect it- unease, gratitude, something akin to sadness. K'rihnn had also told the Ascian that he cared about him, though the miqo'te had sounded much more straightforward about it. But Mira seemed more upset- a natural reaction. He assumed it must be quite unwanted.
His steps are slow as he walks over to her, though once he reaches Mira's side, he hesitates, does not reach out.]
Or from myself. You realize you're not alone in your mistake?
[Even if it failed, it was too late; he couldn't be indifferent.]
no subject
[If she's honest, the fact that she admitted such a thing worries that it will drive him away. It hurts but gods help her that she rather feel it than become numb. To feel, to be alive in some way. Hearing his footsteps and his words, make her thoughts stop when he's close to her. Even after everything, he would come to her? Truly, she needs to stop thinking of the scenarios where things do not happen because every single time she does, it did. Her heads lifts up to reach his eyes, feeling the tears beginning to fall as Mira quickly wipes them away. It's stupid to cry for someone who you're supposed to despise, isn't it?
But what about someone you care for? Should that be alright?]
What...what do you mean?
[And yet the warmth does not leave the bond. Should she try to reach for him instead or let him come to her? Would it be pushing it?]
no subject
I mean what I said.
[That warmth continued to be a- very complicated thing. Simultaneously pleasant and terrible, something to reach for and recoil from. The balance between the two has him tensing, remaining close, but still not touching her.]
Did you think I didn't care?
no subject
If you didn't, then why else did you kiss me that night? Or pull me to you when we agreed to be Bonded?
[Fondness. She regrets none of it.]
And why else would I have returned them in kind?
no subject
Yes, we're both on the same unfortunate page now, aren't we?
[A frustrated little huff as he looks away from her.]
For what little good that does either of us.
no subject
[And there's the reasoning why there's much more of the self despair on her end; because she cares about Hades and the fact that she hurt him is the culprit. And she would do anything (besides the obvious) to make things right. Will they ever be? Maybe with time. And yet even as he looks away, that fondness remains, that warmth that may annoy the living daylights out of him is still there. For once in her life, Mira doesn't want to pass on this but also knows that he needs to agree to it as well.]
no subject
[As unwise as it would have been. As unwise as it still was. That argument had been a warning, a reminder of just how easy and inevitable failure was. It would happen again, and it would be worse. That's just how he was- how he had to be.
Simple loneliness matches her warmth; the only reason he hasn't asked her to leave.]
But not now. Not yet.
no subject
Of course. I'll wait until you are ready.
[Even if it never comes, she'll wait. Mira will not push him into doing anything that can be considered harmful and call it caring because it's not in the long run. It's because she cares that she is thinking about her choices now. It's because she cares that she managed to gather her courage and speak to him on how she feels. She will never regret it; for it is better to feel pain than nothing at all. Just like she can feel the loneliness reach out to her, reminded of how he spoke her about staying with him that day. While he didn't say the words, she could feel something along those lines without needing a bond. It's just more intense now as it brushes it against his own.]
I'll be here.
no subject
You won't be, is his only thought, but he does not say it. But with it in mind, he finally turns back to Mira, expression completely even, despite the grief beneath.
Lifting a hand to touch the side of her face, he leans over to press his lips gently to hers.]
no subject
Hope is an odd emotion, able to swing in both ways. And yet it remains as both Warrior and Ascian share this moment together, uninterrupted.]
no subject
Eventually he pulls back, straightening up to regard Mira again.]
...I suppose we're both committed to this path.
no subject
Aye, it appears to be. And I am willing to see how far it will lead us.